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By RavenHawk
#256355
BBJCaptain wrote:She Ladies, its not just use
Yeah, but it was still a MALE horse doing the passing out.
User avatar
By BBJCaptain
#256399
RavenHawk wrote:
BBJCaptain wrote:She Ladies, its not just use
Yeah, but it was still a MALE horse doing the passing out.

Yeah, I was saying that its not only human males
User avatar
By whitemaw
#256509
Duct tape and WD-40
Attachments
duct tape.jpg
duct tape.jpg (13.28 KiB) Viewed 2473 times
User avatar
By sg
#256809
[youtube]
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By blindrodie
#256848
LOL that kicked ass! 8)
User avatar
By SeeMarkFly
#256854
Her point of view?
Attachments
3555vh.jpg
3555vh.jpg (184.89 KiB) Viewed 2338 times
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By BBJCaptain
#257032
User avatar
By whitemaw
#257291
Facebook reality
Attachments
facebook.jpg
facebook.jpg (14.52 KiB) Viewed 2159 times
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By SeeMarkFly
#257353
:run:
Attachments
ThIqI.jpg
ThIqI.jpg (101.05 KiB) Viewed 2132 times
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By whitemaw
#257361
[youtube]
[/youtube]
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By LadyHawk
#257370
Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent and the three wives stayed in the other.
At about 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!"
Bill woke up and asked, "What's going on?"
Bob said, "I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife."
"How come?"
"To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!"
After a pause, Bill said, "Do you want me to come with you?"
"Hell, no. Why would I want you to do that?"
"Because that's my d*** you're holding."
User avatar
By LadyHawk
#257382
How I learned to mind my own business:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day and all the patients were shouting...... 13.....13......13.....
The fence was to high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the boards, so I looked through to see what was going on.
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they are stared shouting.......14.....14.....14......
User avatar
By UnTuckable
#257414
Don't look Ethel !

[youtube]
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User avatar
By kukailimoku
#257430
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nano seconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH.
#1. To make an appointment to see me.

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press * for English.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
User avatar
By RavenHawk
#257493
:surrender:
Attachments
295730_2355411656174_1576696400_32283084_1228452992_n.jpg
295730_2355411656174_1576696400_32283084_1228452992_n.jpg (16.24 KiB) Viewed 1874 times
User avatar
By spork
#257513
kukailimoku wrote:Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Good letter. But it looks like it was actually written by Peter Wear, a columnist for the Courier Mail in Brisbane, Australia, for that publication's "Perspectives" column.

http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp
User avatar
By SeeMarkFly
#257542
Two pictures, just to stay balanced.
People hear what they want to hear......
Opposites attract.
Attachments
Opposites.jpg
Opposites.jpg (229.36 KiB) Viewed 2799 times
Politics copy.jpg
Politics copy.jpg (262.09 KiB) Viewed 2799 times
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